


Talk It Out

by KaSaPe



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Lance (Voltron), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-09-22 14:29:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9611483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaSaPe/pseuds/KaSaPe
Summary: Keith had noticed for quite some time now that Lance wasn't being his usual self. He had waited for someone else to say something and approach Lance about it - but no one ever did. So once they got Shiro back, he decided that he wouldn't wait any longer and make him talk.Lance doesn't want to talk about it. At all. Not with Keith, not with anyone else. But somehow, one way or another, Keith gets him to open up. And Lance's reward? A new boyfriend.





	

**Author's Note:**

> THIS GOT SO OUT OF CONTROL OH MAN THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE 5K AT MOST WHAT HAPPENED WHY CAN'T I EVER CONTROL MYSELF I'M SO SORRY?? ?????
> 
> Also. The usual. It's way too late and I didn't edit this yet. I apologize for any stupid mistakes.

Keith had been the first one to notice.

Or maybe he hadn’t; maybe he had just been the first one to be bothered by it. Maybe he had been the first one that had realized that it was more than just a passing mood. Maybe he had simply been the one that empathized the most - having a secret that he didn’t want the other ones to know about wasn’t anything new for him. In fact he knew that feeling a little too well, his weeks of uncertainty and worrying after he had first started to suspect that he was Galra were forever engraved into his mind.

That wasn’t what was important though.

When he had first realized realized that Lance was behaving oddly, he had dismissed it. It was weird for Lance to stay at the castle ship when the rest of them followed Ulaz to that one outpost, even if he used “keeping an eye on the princess” as an excuse. Yes, Lance flirted a lot, but Keith had yet to witness him giving up on an adventure to flirt with _Allura_ of all people. She was always with them after all, there was no need to try to get closer to her during a time where he might be needed. And yet he had done just that: given up on a space adventure to stay at the castle and flirt.

At that time, however, he hadn’t been overly concerned. Maybe Lance had grown tired of not getting anywhere with his advances and had hoped that a little “alone time” would help him out. Keith could have listed over thousands of reasons for which he was wrong but he had bit his tongue. Lance had never cared for his opinion anyway. That thought had hurt, it had hurt a lot even, but Keith wasn’t one to lie to himself. He knew that he didn’t have any chances with the other paladin, not in a million years. Even if there hadn’t been the fact that he very blatantly was not a girl, there was still the fact that he was _Keith_ , Lance’s sworn rival. In Lance’s mind anyway.

So Keith had shoved his concern over Lance’s odd behavior aside, locking it away into a dark corner to never be touched again, just next to his feelings for the other man. Lance had other friends that knew him better than he did, they would take care of him if he needed it, he was sure of that. Besides, Keith himself had had other things to worry about, the first and foremost being his blade. A sneaking suspicion had begun to take hold of him and the more time passed, the more often Keith found himself lost in thought. Something was wrong. Something was wrong with _him_. He couldn’t worry about other people when there was something off about himself.

When he had found out that a part of him was from Galran descent, Keith had felt lost. It wasn’t that it had come totally unexpected - far from it, actually. There were only so many ways a Galran blade could come into his possession when the Galra officially hadn’t reached earth yet. There had been one too many cases of Galran soldiers comparing Keith’s fighting style to theirs, one too many incidences where Galran technology randomly decided to listen to him. But having confirmation, knowing that part of him shared the DNA of the very people that oppressed the entire universe, of those that he had thought of as inherently _evil_ until then - it had been a lot to accept. And it had hurt.

So really, Keith believed that he had an excuse for not confronting Lance earlier. And then Shiro had disappeared and everything had been a mess for the short amount of time they had had to make do without him. When Shiro had come back with nothing but vague memories of his time away, Keith had hugged him for a solid minute before even considering to let go. He had barely been able to handle his first disappearance back at the Garrison, losing him a second time after all that happened had been infinitely worse than that.

After they had gotten Shiro back, Keith had felt lighter. He didn’t have to worry about his place in Voltron anymore and _Shiro was back_. His team, his family was back together again. Everyone had accepted him despite his Galran heritage; and while the fight with the Galra was far from over, they had kind of prevailed over Zarkon at their last battle.

But then there was Lance.

Maybe it was because he had almost lost Shiro again that Keith became a lot more protective. He always double checked, standing back a little to make sure that they were all at the table when they got to the dining hall before joining any conversation. He made sure to talk to everyone more often, to cherish the time they had together.

And that’s when he had noticed that Lance wasn’t being obnoxiously loud anymore. That’s not to say he wasn’t loud at all anymore - quite the contrary, Lance would make a flamboyant entrance and coax an annoyed groan out of everyone before launching into his usual stream of stupid jokes. But then, unannounced, he would suddenly fall quiet. Sometimes he even left the room. Where did the guy go that tended to play himself into the center of attention at all times? Lance suddenly seemed to spend a lot more time in his room or in the hanger, away from other people’s company. Keith thought that it was strange, he was an extroverted person, why would he be hiding away from them?

At that his thoughts had circled back to when he had first noticed his odd behavior. Whatever Lance was doing, it wasn’t a completely new development. That day he had decided to stay at the castle had been the first day he had spent hiding from the team instead of joining them on their adventures. His new attitude seemed to grow more pronounced the more time passed and Keith waited for someone to bring it up - but no one ever did. Everyone seemed to be so wrapped up in Shiro’s return that they didn’t notice that they had (somehow, unexpectedly) lost another paladin.

Well. If no one else was going to do something about it, then Keith wouldn’t wait around anymore. His patience had never been extraordinarily high anyway and these past few weeks had truly pushed him to his limits and beyond.

So when he saw Lance give his usual extravagant salute after dinner, he didn’t hesitate a second to push his own plate away and hurry after him. Lance wouldn’t escape, not this time. Keith would handle this and make things right again.

The door had almost closed itself behind Lance when Keith forced it open again, watching his friend walk down the floor with hunched shoulders. It was wrong, wrong, all wrong: Lance didn’t walk around like this. Lance was loud and confident, always boasting about something, always relaxed, always making his presence known. He didn’t walk around as if he wanted to shrink into himself and disappear into space. It was _wrong_.

For a moment Keith just stood there in the door and watched him leave, unsure of what to do. Keith knew that look, he knew the feelings that Lance must be having right now. He was no stranger to them. It was hurt, fear, the feeling of being lost and not knowing what to do about it. It was similar to that feeling you got when someone promised to pick you up in a place full of strangers whose language you didn’t speak but then never turned up. Being on your own. It was that feeling of having a secret that you couldn’t share with anyone.

What confused Keith was that he had absolutely no idea where these feelings could come from. What secret burden could Lance have that would make him feel like this?

It didn’t matter, he decided then. Lance hadn’t thought any different of him after the Galra reveal, so he wouldn’t think any worse of him either, no matter what he was fighting with. And he would even go a step further: he had to bring Lance back. Their Lance. He had to make this situation right again. So he would do what he had wished someone had done to him when he had felt insecure and lost about his Galra suspicions: he would approach him to offer unconditional support and an open mind, ready to listen to anything that might bother him. And if he didn’t want to talk about it yet, then Keith would just reassure him that they were a _team_. A family. They would accept him, no matter what secret he might have.

“Lance!” Keith called, finally stepping out of the door and letting it close behind him. Lance whirled around, eyes wide as if he hadn’t expected anyone to come after him.

“Yeah?”

“Where are you going?” Keith asked as he fell into a light jog to close the distance between them. Lance waited until he was next to him, then he shrugged and scratched his neck.

“To my room. Why, was there anything else planned today?”

 _Wrong_ , something in Keith said. _Wrong, wrong, wrong_. He was behaving way too casual.

“Not that I know of, no,” Keith replied.

“...then what do you want?” Lance asked dubiously. Wincing a little, Keith crossed his arms in front of his chest. He should have known, of course Lance wouldn’t want to talk to him of all people. Lance and his stupid rivalry obsession. And okay, even if that didn’t exist Keith might have not been the best person to deal with this - he and comforting people were two things that just didn’t go well together. He was too awkward, too detached to offer helping words. The best he could do was offer a shoulder clap and some reassurances.

Still. That was better than nothing, right? Besides, no one else was here. No one else seemed to have noticed that something was definitely wrong. So even if he wasn’t Lance’s first or second or even third choice, he would do this.

First he had to get them somewhere else but the middle of a hall.

“Wanna spar?” Keith offered. The question seemed to throw Lance off a little, he just blinked for a while, then he pulled a face.

“ _Now_? You do realize that it’s after dinner and almost time for sleep, right?”

...was there something wrong with that? “Uh, yeah?”

Lance continued to look at him as if he had suddenly turned purple before huffing a laugh and patting his shoulder. Keith tried to make it not so obvious that he was thrilled at the contact. “You are absolutely ridiculous. Try again tomorrow.”

...wait.

“So… that’s a no?” Keith asked, just to be completely sure. Lance shot him an annoyed look.

“Yeah, that’s a no. I’m tired, I’ll just go to my room-”

“Wait!” Keith raised his voice just enough to get Lance to stop in his movement towards their floor. He was pulling away again and Keith couldn’t have that. He _had_ to set this right again. He didn’t want to see Lance with hunched shoulders ever again. “Then do you want to do something else?”

At this point Keith was pretty sure that Lance’s eyebrows couldn’t draw together any more than that. “Something else… like what?”

“I don’t know.” Keith grew uncomfortable under Lance’s scrutinizing gaze and directed his own eyes towards the floor. Was it really that weird for him to be worried about a teammate? “Um… hang out with the lions or something? Watch… watch the stars?” That’s what Lance did sometimes, right? Watch the stars from the observation deck?

At the lack of a response from Lance, Keith lifted his eyes again. Lance’s face betrayed a mixture of incredulity and confusion, making him even more self-conscious about this than he already was. Keith’s fingers curled into his jacket where they met his arms.

“Are you asking me to _hang out_?”

“Yeah?” Keith replied, feeling himself getting impatient. “There’s nothing wrong with that!”

“No but like - me? Dude, are you okay?” Lance asked, sounding borderline worried. Keith could feel his temper rising and pushed it down with all his might.

“I don’t know. Are _you_ okay?”

Lance just looked absolutely bewildered, obviously not really understanding where Keith was going with this. “I’m perfectly fine, _you_ are the one that suddenly wants to hang out with me.”

“No, that’s not what I meant. I’m asking you whether you are okay. And not - not as a joke or anything. You seemed pretty down just now.”

All of a sudden a flurry of emotion passed over Lance’s face, leaving Keith feeling slightly winded.

“Of course I’m okay. I don’t know what you’re talking about, you must be seeing things,” Lance dismissed, quickly spinning around to hide his face. Keith raised his hand in an attempt to stop him from leaving but quickly let it drop down again. He wasn’t quite sure how they were standing with casual touches, he has never been a big advocate of them anyway. That was more Lance’s area of expertise.

“‘Kay, it was nice talking to you, I’ll be gone then,” Lance said as he started walking. Keith furrowed his brows.

“Where are you going?”

“To my room! Exactly where I was going earlier!”

“Are you really that tired?” Keith called after him. Lance waved a hand around without stopping or looking back.

“You bet. See you tomorrow, Keith!”

“Lance!”

“Tomorrow!”

“So you _will_ come with me tomorrow then?” There was a slight pause in the conversation while Lance just kept walking. Keith already knew his answer before he said it, he could feel his own shoulders dropping a little.

“Eh. We’ll talk about it.”

That was a no.

But Keith wouldn’t be Keith if that was enough to make him give up. He had to make this right again. _He had to_. Squaring his shoulders, he raised his chin up.

“I’ll be waiting!” he called, watching Lance freeze for a moment before he continued in his path towards his room. “I don’t care whether you’ll come or not, I’ll wait at the observation deck!”

Despite Lance almost having disappeared behind the corner, Keith could hear his snort. “Prepare to wait for a long time then.”

“I will! I will stay there all night if I have to!”

This time, Keith didn’t get a reply anymore. He wasn’t quite sure whether he had gotten his point across or not but he had tried. He had made a decision and a promise. Now it was up to Lance whether he would work with him or not.

Unconsciously tightening his jaw, Keith set out towards the observation deck. He had no doubt that he would spend the next few hours in solitude. Lance was stubborn like that, he would probably wait until after midnight to check on him.

Because that’s what Lance would do, Keith knew. He would check on him. If it had been Keith, he never would have gone to the observation deck. But Lance wasn’t him and if he had learned anything about the blue paladin over the months they had spent together in space it was that he cared a lot more than he let on. Maybe not necessarily about Keith as a person but definitely about Keith as a teammate - so he would turn up sooner or later to make sure that he was okay. That was just the kind of guy Lance was.

 

* * *

 

Lance had tried to ignore it. He had tried to forget Keith’s words, took a long, hot shower and put on his face mask. If Keith wanted to stay the night at the observation deck, fine. He wouldn’t though, he needed his sleep. He was always tired these days, no matter whether Allura actually forced them to train a lot or not.

 _Emotional exhaustion_ , a part of him whispered. Lance beat that part down with a stick. He was fine, there was nothing to be exhausted about.

Except for the fact that he was unnecessary. Except for the fact that no one took him seriously. Except for the fact that he was replaceable, that he didn’t have any special talents, that no one even missed him when he left early.

No, Lance scolded himself. That was not fair to the others. Of course they had a hard time paying attention to him when Shiro had just come back. Shiro had been gone for two weeks! It made sense that everyone focused on him. It didn’t mean that no one cared-

Maybe it did though. He had always had someone paying attention to him at home. His mamá was great like that: no matter how many of her children needed her help or a hug, she was always there for them. They were nine people at home, that was even more than here, but there had always been _someone_ that noticed when he was feeling under the weather.

Not here though. Because he wasn’t important enough.

An almost physical ache spread through his chest and Lance curled up on his side before he remembered his face mask. Damn, now it was ruined. It and the pillow. Just great.

Busying himself with cleaning up, Lance forced his earlier thoughts aside. He was tired, that’s why he was being so negative. His friends were all amazing and good people, of course they cared about him. Somewhere. Somehow.

...just not enough to notice him hurting.

Lance noticed that his thoughts had started circling again. Enough of that, he decided grimly and shoved the now stripped bare pillow back onto his bed. His friends cared. Fullstop. Even _Keith_ cared! He had approached him to ask about-

“Oh fuck,” Lance whispered as he sat down onto the bed and hid his head in his palms. “Oh _fuck_.”

He had tried to hide it. He knew that he was being childish, they were all friends, he had no reason to act like this. Yeah, the others were more talented than he was, so what? He was their friend, he was supposed to be proud of them! And what was he doing instead? Accusing them of being shitty friends, that’s what. _He_ was the shitty friend here.

And Keith had noticed. Of course he had noticed. Of fucking course it would be Keith of all people that would witness him being pathetic, as if he didn’t already have enough evidence that he was better than him. The universe must really hate Lance, he just kept embarrassing himself in front of the one person he wanted to impress.

But Keith. Keith didn’t even know that he was just being whiny. And now he was worried about him.

“Fuck,” Lance repeated weakly and let himself fall back. The ceiling over his bunk was dark, the only source of light in the room coming from the glowing blue stripes around the walls. A dark ceiling, hidden away and surrounded by light. Lance felt a concerning amount of empathy for it.

Snorting to himself, he turned his head away. That wasn’t what he wanted to think about. He didn’t want to think about anything at all anymore. He just had to sleep, maybe these thoughts would be gone by tomorrow.

 _They are never gone_ , his brain whispered. _You are not as good as the others, that is a fact, why would they be gone?_

Enough. Lance squeezed his eyes shut and pulled the blanket over his head as if he could physically keep the negativity away from him. That wasn’t him, he was supposed to be the fun guy. And in order to stay the fun guy he needed to stop thinking like this. And sleep.

But he couldn’t fall asleep. Lance tried everything: switching the light on and off, using headphones or not, getting new covers for his pillow, turning the room temperature up and down. Nothing worked. His thoughts simply wouldn’t stop-

Groaning to himself, he rolled over to the side and tapped against the fancy tablet-thingy that he kept next to his bed. 01:23am, the clock displayed.

Damn. He had been at this for more than four hours now.

Was Keith still at the observation deck?

No. No, what was he doing? Why was he thinking about Keith again? He didn’t care what Keith did. Or, well, he did care, of course he cared, but he wouldn’t check on him. If he went to the observation deck to see whether he was still there that would lead to uncomfortable questions and he really, _really_ didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of Keith. Not more than he already had anyway. He already felt stupid enough on his own, thank you very much. Besides it was already past 1am, Keith had probably already gone back to his room. Lance knew that he got up early so he had to have been tired by now.

Keith was incredibly stubborn though. What if he had actually waited for Lance? What if he was still waiting?

No way. Keith was an impatient guy, he wouldn’t wait for that long.

But what if he did?

Letting out a frustrated sound, Lance got to his feet. Fine, since he couldn’t sleep anyway and his thoughts wouldn’t leave him alone either he might as well go check on Keith. The stupid idiot might have fallen asleep on the observation deck and then what would the team do if the Galra attacked tomorrow and he was too stiff to move properly?

Pulling his dressing gown over his pajamas, Lance left his room. He also brought a blanket with himself even if he wasn’t quite sure what he would use it for. He already wore two layers of clothing and the castle was always pleasantly warm, it was pretty unlikely that he would get cold like this. And if he was met with a sleeping Keith he wouldn’t drape the blanket over him, he would wake him up to drag him back to his bed. Keith’s bed, that is. Not Lance’s.

Never Lance’s, he thought with a slight pang in his chest.

He didn’t want to think about it.

Quietly, Lance made his way towards the observation deck. His slippers made a soft _tap-tap-tap_ noise on the floor and Lance grew more anxious the closer he got to the deck. What if Keith was actually awake still and the slippers announced his presence? He didn’t want to talk to Keith, if he was awake he would immediately turn around and go back to his room. He wouldn’t bother a teammate with his childish thoughts, no matter how much he craved the comfort. Keith was shitty at that anyway.

Tightening his grip around the blanket, Lance put an effort into walking even softer. He would have pulled the slippers off entirely if the floor hadn’t been as cold as it was. And ah, now he knew what the blanket was for - it was quite useful to hug it and calm his nerves.

Lance was barely one floor away from the deck when he realized how stupid his sneaking was. There were three possibilities: one, Keith wasn’t even there. Then he wouldn’t hear him, no matter how he walked. Two, Keith was there but asleep. Then he wouldn’t hear him either, if the tap-tap-tap would be enough to wake him up then the low humming noise of the control panel would have already done the trick. And the last possibility was that Keith was there and awake - and then he would see Lance tiptoeing around while hugging a blanket to his chest.

So Lance shoved his anxiousness aside and relaxed his shoulders. No need to worry Keith any further.

Arriving at the observation deck, Lance breathed in deeply, held it for five seconds and then let it out again. It was now or never.

The door opened smoothly and without a noise. Slowly, curiously, Lance peered inside - there Keith was, leaning against one of the pillars a little off to the side, looking out towards the stars. Lance couldn’t see his face from here but his posture was way too rigid to be asleep.

Right. Lance gulped. Keith was awake then. Time to leave.

But he couldn’t. Something about the thought of his impatient and impulsive teammate being worried enough to forego sleep to wait for him just made his heart hurt. Keith could have left at any moment, it wasn’t as if he had had a guarantee that Lance would show up. And yet he didn’t. In his own weird and awkward ways Keith just wanted to help.

Keith was unexpectedly kind underneath that rough exterior. It might have been what had made Lance fall in love with him for the first time.

Suppressing a sigh, Lance approached Keith until he could knock against the pillar. “Having a fun time chillin’ here at 2am?”

Keith’s reaction could have been comical in how quickly he turned around, hand ready at his hip to draw his bayard. But somehow Lance didn’t have it in him to produce more than a sleek smile. Keith hadn’t even changed into his pajamas, he noticed. He must have come here directly after their conversation.

“Lance!”

“The one and only,” he replied, casually leaning against the pillar. “Don’t you think it’s time for bed now?”

Keith quirked an eyebrow and gave him a smirk. “Look who’s talking.”

“Not a valid argument, I’m only here because of you, idiot!” Lance hissed back. Then he realized how that sounded and tried to backtrack. “I mean. I’m here because I knew you would be stubborn enough to stay up all night just to prove your point and then you’d be useless tomorrow.”

Keith gave him a blank look and shrugged. “I like sleep but I can function just fine without it. I wouldn’t be useless.”

And, okay, Lance officially didn’t know what to say to that anymore. Not needing sleep weirdly suited Keith, not that _that_ would be an appropriate answer. “Well then,” he drawled and slung his blanket over his shoulder, “that’s good for you, Mister the-darkness-of-the-night-suits-the-darkness-of-my-soul.”

“It’s always dark in space, Lance.”

“Ah-ah,” Lance cut him off, shaking his index finger at him, “no distracting from the topic. It’s nighttime and you should be asleep. I don’t care how cool you think sleep deprivation makes you, you should leave right now so that I can go too. Because unlike _some people_ I need my sleep.”

“Are you saying that you can’t sleep when you know I’m awake?” Keith asked. Lance spluttered a bit, trying to find an excuse, but his brain was too tired to come up with anything good.

“Not if I know that I’m the reason why you skip out on getting enough Zs. Come on, we can talk tomorrow.”

“You won’t talk tomorrow though,” Keith responded quietly. Lance could feel his muscles freezing in place, making his lean against the pillar very uncomfortable. His throat felt tight too, all of a sudden.

“Well, I won’t talk now either, so get back to bed,” Lance finally forced out. Keith gave him a levelling stare, then turned his back on him and looked back out at the stars.

“I’m not leaving before you do.”

“ _Dude_!”

“No.”

“Come on Keith, you need to sleep,” Lance said as he nudged his slipper against the small of Keith’s back.

“I’m not leaving,” Keith responded cooly.

“Fine! Then stay here! But I will leave!”

“Suit yourself. No one forced you to come here in the first place.”

A frustrated sound tore itself out of Lance’s chest. Why did he always have to be so- so freaking stubborn?! Couldn’t he for once in his life listen to others?!

“Keith.”

“No.”

“Keeeiiiith.”

“No, Lance.”

“Keiiiith, come on.”

“I am not moving,” Keith gritted out. Lance could hear the strain in his voice though so he knew that he was getting to him. At least there was that: he could always count on his whiny younger brother voice to annoy him.

“Keeeiiiiith-”

“Shut up, Lance! I told you that I would wait all night if I have to!”

“Yeah, and now I’m here so you can leave,” Lance said, nudging him again. He could see his shoulders squaring up and thought that his foot would get batted away but Keith just kept sitting there in silence. “Keith?”

Nothing.

Oh, so now he was ignoring him. Just typical. “Keith, dude, you are being unreasonable. No matter what you say, your body needs sleep. Allura wants to bring out the drones _and_ the gladiator tomorrow.”

Silence.

“Oh, come on! Can you stop being a pretentious asshole for one minute and listen to me?!”

“I am listening!” Keith hissed and finally turned around to glower at Lance. “But you are not talking.”

“I am actually talking quite a lot, maybe there is something wrong with your ears,” Lance snarked while bowing down to bring his face closer to him. Keith was super pretty up close, even if he would probably be even prettier if he stopped frowning for a minute.

“You know exactly what I am talking about!”

“Maybe I do. Maybe I don’t. Maybe _I don’t care_ and just think you should go to bed already.”

“And I already told you - I will not leave until you talk,” Keith gritted out between clenched teeth. Something in Lance snapped and he threw his hands up. He _wouldn’t_ talk. It was stupid and he wouldn’t tell Keith about this - quiznak, he wouldn’t tell anyone about this! He would get over himself soon enough anyway. Maybe he wasn’t quite good enough to be the sharpshooter yet but he would train and arrive there. He refused to stay useless.

“Fine. Fine! Then just- stay here for all I care. Because I don’t. I don’t care. You can lose all the sleep you want, don’t say I didn’t warn you!” Lance said as he raised himself to his full height. Keith was answering something but Lance didn’t stick around to listen to it. He didn’t want to sleep? Fine, whatever. That was all his decision, it had nothing to do with Lance. Nothing at all.

Speedwalking as fast as possible, Lance exited the observation deck and made his way back to his room. At one point he almost lost one of his slippers and at another the blanket tangled between his legs, almost making him fall over - but he just marched on, fuming about Keith being such a stubborn idiot. Why couldn’t he ever leave him alone? Why couldn’t he believe him when he said that it was nothing?

 _Isn’t that exactly what you wanted though?_ , his brain asked. Lance pressed his lips together but slowed his walk. _Someone that cares? Someone that listens to you?_

Yeah, yeah he had wanted that. He had desperately wanted that. Except not really? Now that the possibility was real and _there_  he didn’t want to take it. He already knew that his thoughts were ridiculous… there was no way that Keith wouldn’t look down on him. He was acting like a child. So if Keith could just- if he could just mind his own damn business that would be perfect-

“Oh quiznak,” Lance whispered as he slowed to a stop and leaned against the wall for support. Keith was worried for him. He cared enough to stay up all night, even if that would most likely result in sluggish movements and getting yelled at by Allura. Even if Lance pushed him away and rejected his help he just stayed there-

“Oh _fuck_ ,” he repeated, breathing out heavily. He couldn’t take this. Since when was Keith such a nice person? Since when did he care so much about _Lance_? He hadn’t even mentioned the team once during both of their talks, something that was decidedly out of character for him. And now Lance had left him on the observation deck-

Without making the conscious decision to do so, Lance turned around and went back to where he came from. Back to where Keith was. Maybe if he calmly told him that there really wasn’t anything wrong then Keith would believe him this time. He couldn’t just leave him there if he was skipping sleep because of him. Then it would be Lance’s fault if Keith wasn’t able to fight properly tomorrow… seriously, fuck Keith and fuck his ability to fuck up all of his plans.

The door to the observation deck opened just as quietly as the last time and Lance entered again. Keith gave no sign of showing that he had heard him, body as still as ever and calmly looking out over the stars. The subtle glow from the castle’s mechanics and the stars on the outside made him seem almost ethereal, like something that belonged right where he was - like a guardian of space. A true defender of the universe.

A weak smile flickered over Lance’s face until it was gone again. Keith definitely was a defender of the universe and he had the skills to prove it.

Approaching his friend and longtime crush, Lance made sure not to look into his direction. He gathered the blanket in his hands as he sat down beside Keith, leaving enough space for Pidge between them. No need to make this even more awkward than it already was.

Somehow, Lance could feel Keith turning his head into his direction. “Don’t. Say. Anything,” he cut him off before he even started. Looking at him out of the corners of his eyes, he saw how Keith huffed and turned back towards the stars. Ha, so he could listen if he wanted to.

Silence fell over them. Lance was unsure how to approach the topic - how could he convince Keith that he was fine without revealing what was going through his head? He frowned down at his blanket, twisting it between his hands before smoothing it out again.

“...why did you come back?” Keith finally said. An ironic smile made it onto Lance’s face, maybe he had spoken too soon. Of course he wouldn’t listen to his request. Then again, maybe Keith wasn’t the one to blame this time, Lance had been quiet for way too long already.

“Because you are not in bed yet,” he answered truthfully.

“I’m not going there until-”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Lance interrupted. He dropped the blanket and leaned back onto his hands. “Just what’s the deal with you, man? You are not usually like this,” he said, keeping his eyes trained on the ceiling.

“...I’m just. You know. Worried,” Keith replied in a strange voice. Lance huffed a laugh and let his head tip to Keith’s side.

“For me? That’s a new one.”

“Not really.”

Lance blinked a few times, then he pushed himself back to sitting properly. “Wait. You’re saying that you’ve been worried about me before?”

“We are _literally_ teammates, Lance,” Keith said in a sharp voice. “I’ve been worried for you more times than I can count.”

Lance wasn’t quite sure what he should make out of the mixture of disappointment and giddiness inside of him. On one hand - yay, Keith cared for him! On the other hand - as a _teammate_. There it was, the word that Lance had known would fall sooner or later. Team. Keith was doing this for the team, not for him.

“Sure,” he replied easily, doing his best to keep his posture relaxed and the hurt out of his voice. It wasn’t as if this came as a surprise anyway.

“So, you’re gonna talk?”

“There is nothing to talk about, Keith,” Lance said with a forced grin. He shifted his legs a bit to hide how his hands had curled into the blanket but otherwise kept up his open body language. It was important to convince Keith that nothing serious was going on. “I wasn’t lying earlier, there’s nothing wrong with me.”

“Sure. Which is why you got all defensive and left me here earlier,” Keith answered with an unconvinced look. Lance narrowed his eyes and turned more towards him.

“I just wasn’t sure what you wanted me to say. You can be a stubborn hothead at times and I knew that if I said something that didn’t convince you, you’d just keep sitting here anyway until I give you what you want.”

Keith quirked an eyebrow and looked down at the floor for a moment, obviously lost in thought - then he shrugged. “I guess. So you better just tell me whatever it is that’s bothering you.”

“But there isn’t anything bothering me!” Lance exclaimed, the frustration creeping back into his voice. Damn. That was a dead giveaway. Keith didn’t even have to say anything, his eyes said it all.

Huffing, Lance crossed his arms across his chest and stuck his chin out. “Okay, maybe there is. What if I don’t want to talk about it though?”

For a moment Keith looked surprised, then a conflicted expression took over his face and he looked back out at the stars. Lance was thankful for his position on the floor next to him that allowed him to see Keith’s face despite his hair disguising it for the most part. He was frowning again, staring at the floor as if it had personally offended him.

“If you don’t want to talk about it,” Keith began slowly, “then that’s okay too. But then I’m not sure what you are doing here.”

Ouch. Way to go, Keith. He sure had a way with words that made him sound ruder than intended.

“Yeah, me neither, actually,” Lance laughed bitterly as he let his head fall back again. “I think I just really want to get you to bed.”

“Why?” Keith asked in his trademark neutral tone. Lance rolled his eyes.

“Take a guess. Here, I’ll give you some possibilities to choose from: One - I’m worried about your beauty regimen. Two - I was totally planning on throwing a secret party on the observation deck and you are not invited so you have to leave. Three - oh, I don’t know, maybe I’m worried about you as well?”

There was a short silence, then Lance heard Keith shifting around. He brought his head back upright to watch Keith settling back against the pillar, trying to make the position comfortable. “I guess that was a stupid question.”

“Yeah, it was,” Lance answered, furrowing his brows a little when he saw Keith gave a wince. His eyes fell onto the blanket in his lap and he balled it up, throwing it against Keith’s chest. “Here. Use that.”

For a moment Keith stared at the blanket in complete surprise, then he smiled and shoved it behind his back, settling down more comfortably. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.”

More silence engulfed the two of them. Keith seemed totally at ease in his position against the pillar, looking out at the stars again. Lance wished he could bring up even half of his calm, he was still feeling awkward about being here. With Keith. At 2am. Alone. Supposedly talking about whatever kind of crap his brain had tried to feed him for the past few weeks - months, almost.

“So,” Lance drawled, drumming the fingers of his left hand against his leg. “You’re still gonna stay here?”

Keith looked back at him and shrugged. “Yeah. If you don’t want to talk I’ll stay here until I can figure out how to make this right again.”

Warmth bloomed in Lance’s chest and he felt his heart giving a little tug. Keith cared so much. Since when did Keith care so much?

It was for the team, he reminded himself. Just for the team. The warm feeling left his body again and he felt more vulnerable than ever.

“Right. For the team,” Lance said. He immediately regretted it since Keith’s eyes severed towards him, cool and calculating.

“Well, yeah. But I’m also worried for you,” Keith answered as he drew a leg up to his chest and loosely curled his arms around it. “I don’t like seeing you walking around all slumped down.”

Lance let out a snort to disguise the tightness in his throat that threatened to come back. “Right. I’ll be careful of how I walk when I’m around you then.”

“That’s - that’s not what I meant and you know it.”

“Maybe I don’t. Maybe you have to actually explain yourself for once,” Lance answered, knowing that he was being difficult without reason. Shit, he was getting defensive again. Keith was bound to notice that, he might be bad with words but Lance knew that he was observant as fuck. Him confronting him about his insecurities was proof enough of that.

Keith let out a resigned sigh and draped his right arm over his knee. “Look. I know that you don’t particularly like me and I know that you don’t want to talk about whatever’s been bothering you but I’m really just worried for you. Shiro just came back, I don’t want to lose anyone else anymore.”

“You’re not gonna lose me though. I wasn’t planning on, you know, like, poof, dissolving into thin air,” Lance replied, confusion evident in his voice.

“That’s not what I- there is more than one way to lose a person. They can walk away, they can get taken away or they can just - lose themselves. And that’s not fun. I remember what it felt like when I couldn’t talk to anyone about the whole Galra thing and I didn’t feel like myself for a while there. I felt… gone even though I was right there and I don’t want that to happen to anyone else.”

Lance was stunned into silence as he listened to Keith talking about his feelings. He wasn’t quite sure whether they had ever had a heart-to-heart like this - he wasn’t even sure whether he had ever heard Keith talk about his feelings like that in general. Maybe he had regularly done so with Shiro, how would he know?

It didn’t feel like that though. The way Keith avoided his eyes and hugged his leg a just little tighter spoke volumes about how uncomfortable he was. Lance wasn’t quite sure what Keith was trying to achieve with this little talk but he certainly felt better now that he wasn’t the only vulnerable one here.

“You suck at the whole comforting thing,” Lance stated bluntly. Keith shot him an evil glare but Lance just shrugged, not impressed in the least. “Hey, I’m not lying. What were you even trying to tell me with that? That you’d be happy if I was part of your Galra family? That you wish you could have gotten a degree in philosophy instead of being stuck in space with us?”

“No!” Keith let out a frustrated sound. “I was trying to get you to trust me!”

“To… to trust you?” Saying that Lance was confused would be an understatement. They formed Voltron together, he trusted Keith with his life.

“Yes! I was trying to tell you that even if you have a secret that makes you think that people wouldn’t trust you anymore we will still be here. We are a team, we are on your side, Lance.”

A pang in his chest. Lance could feel his shoulders drop a little but no matter how much he tried to get them up again, he couldn’t do it. And that annoying tightness in his throat was back as well, just great.

“Good thing that I don’t have a life-changing secret then,” he answered, forcing a laugh. “Seriously, Keith, what do you think I’m hiding? Do you think I joined the space-mafia or something?”

“No. I don’t know. All I know is that you are not happy and won’t talk to anyone of us. Don’t you usually go to Coran or Hunk when you are feeling down?”

Oh. Oh man, Keith was even more observant than he had thought. The forced grin fell from his mouth and he breathed in deeply, trying to let go of this depressing feeling that had caught hold of him. “Well, not this time. I can’t,” he said then, keeping it short. Less of an opportunity for Keith to see through his false composure.

“Why not?” Keith asked quietly. Lance couldn’t look at him.

“Because it’s stupid.”

“Stupid?”

“Yeah. Like, really stupid,” he said.

“Really… stupid…” Keith said slowly as if he wasn’t quite sure whether he should believe him. Lance gave him a half-hearted glare before looking down again.

“Yep. Incredibly stupid. So I’m not about to bother them with this.”

“I don’t understand.” Keith frowned. “Why is it stupid?”

“Because it is. Trust me, it is.”

“So like… like a crush?”

Lance whipped his head around and his disbelieving eyes met Keith’s confused one’s. “Like a _what_?!”

“A crush. That’s the only thing I could think of that’d be enough to drag you down but still be stupid,” Keith answered, shrugging a little helplessly. Lance just stared at him for a while and then laughed openly.

“Oh man, I really don’t get you. How did you reach that conclusion?!”

“Well, I - I don’t know! It’s stupid, so it fits the description, right?!” Lance laughed even louder at Keith’s offended tone and he finally felt the knot in his chest loosen.

“I mean, you aren’t completely off the mark but that’s not the reason why I’m ‘walking around all slumped down’,” Lance grinned. Keith’s eyes grew huge and he only then realized what he had just said.

“You- you have a crush?!”

“I-” Would Keith believe him if he denied it now?! Probably not, so should he just - should he just roll with it? And hope that Keith would never, ever find out who it was? No way, that would lead to endless teasing, he had to-

“Who is it? Who do you have a crush on?!”

Lance laughed awkwardly and tried to get his brain to think. But it was now nearing 2:30am and he couldn’t find a response for the life of him. So his mouth went on autopilot and did the job for him: “Wow, you sure care a lot about that, if I didn’t know better I’d say that you are jealous.”

What.

 _What_.

What was he doing?! He couldn’t just start _flirting_ with Keith! He had already established that Keith was even more observant than he had given him credit for and there was no way that-

“Me?! What? I- no, no, I was just- I was just curious- that’s, uh, no, I was just- just asking,” Keith spoke hurriedly, a mortified expression on his face. It was enough to make Lance forget about his own panic and give him an incredulous look instead. Was that… was that a blush on Keith’s face?

Yeah, now that he saw it, that was definitely a blush. It was faint but it was there. What was up with that reaction? Honestly, Lance hadn't really thought about what he had said, but that expression almost perfectly fit his-

“Wait,” Lance said, understanding dawning on him slowly. Keith gave him a panicked look and tensed his body but didn’t move from his spot on the ground. “Wait. You - you _are_ jealous? Dude-”

“I’m not.” That answer came _way_ too fast.

“Dude, what? That makes no sense-”

“I’m not! Stop assuming stuff!”

“Like, why would you be jealous? Unless you have a crush too, I guess. But I didn’t even tell you who I was crushing on and it’s, like, literally impossible for you to crush on the same perso-” Lance cut himself off as everything finally clicked into place. His mouth fell open as he stared at Keith with round eyes.

No. No, that was absolutely impossible. It was late - early - whatever - and his brain didn’t work anymore. There was another explanation for this. Keith didn’t even- he didn’t even like him, why should he _like_ like him-

Except he kind of did like him? According to Keith at least. He was worried enough to talk about his feelings and stay up all night to help him. Now that Lance had gained that new perspective those actions suddenly made a lot more sense. And, like, he couldn’t even blame him for the whole ‘but you never acted like you liked me’-part since he was doing exactly the same thing-

“Me?!” Lance squeaked. He would have probably been more embarrassed about his voice if Keith hadn’t had this face of complete and utter humiliation on.

And he didn’t say anything. Keith was stupidly bad at lying and knew it and _he didn’t say anything_. Holy shit. He wasn’t even trying to deny it anymore and - what was Lance supposed to do now?! This night expedition had started to go down ways that he wouldn’t have imagined in his wildest dreams!

“Keith?! You got something to tell me?!” he asked, his voice somehow rising even more in pitch. Keith scrunched his face up and visibly fought a (losing) battle against an ever growing blush before harshly pushing himself up onto his feet. The blanket dropped to the floor, forgotten now.

“I really don’t. Guess I should head to bed after all.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Lance called out and threw himself across the floor, somehow managing to get ahold of Keith’s wrist. It wasn’t a comfortable position by any means and he probably looked stupid as hell but he couldn’t bring himself to care about that. “You can’t just leave now!”

“And why not?!” Keith asked, glaring down at Lance. It might have been more effective if he hadn’t still had traces of that blush all over his cheeks.

“Because you can’t just half-ass a confession! That’s just not right!”

“This never was a confession!” Keith yelled. Lance didn’t let go of his wrist, even when Keith tried to pull it out.

“It so was! Just because you didn’t put it into words it doesn’t mean that it wasn’t a confession!”

“It _wasn’t_!”

“It _was_!”

“ _Wasn’t_!”

“ _Was_!”

“No, no it really wasn’t- _let go of me already_ -” Keith finally managed to wrench his hand out of Lance’s grasp and Lance unceremoniously dropped to the ground.

“Wait! Keith!” Lance scrambled to get himself up before Keith left the room. “Wait! Don’t go! _Keith_! I wasn’t about to make fun of you, just wait for a moment!”

Finally, finally Keith stopped. He stood just in front of the opened door, not even turning around to look at Lance. But he stayed.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Lance made his way over to him. He wanted to bring him back towards the spot near the window but he was hesitant to touch him. Something in the atmosphere around them had shifted and now he was too nervous about doing something wrong to act like his usual self.

So instead of draping his arm across Keith’s shoulders and dragging him back to where he wanted to have him, Lance shyly reached out for his hand. Keith’s fingers had been curled into a fist but the moment Lance touched them they unfurled and got all pliant. Slowly, oh so slowly Lance threaded their fingers together. He could feel a blush forming on his face and definitely couldn’t look Keith in the eye when he turned around to send him a downright shocked look but at least his hands weren’t trembling. His heart was something entirely else there.

Swallowing dryly, Lance softly tugged him towards their earlier spot. “Come on. Let’s sit down again.”

This time, Keith followed him without question.  

For a while they just sat there in silence, their entwined hands between them. There were so many thoughts going through his brain that Lance couldn’t even make sense of them all. The only thing he knew was that right now, he was sitting here next to Keith in the middle of the night, holding hands in front of millions of stars.

“Hah, this is awkward,” Lance finally forced out. Keith’s hand momentarily tightened around his, then he tried to pull away. Lance didn’t let him. “No, no, not like that. More like - I don’t even know what to say anymore. It’s weird. Don’t you have something to say?”

“Not really,” Keith mumbled next to him.

“Absolutely nothing? What about the moment you realized you had a crush on me?”

“Well, what about you?” Keith deflected instead. Lance laughed awkwardly, not bothering to give him an answer to that. He couldn’t very well tell him that he didn’t even know when his infatuation with him turned into a full-blown crush. Being in love, even.

In the following silence Lance took a deep breath and gathered all the courage he could find.

“Hey Keith.”

“Hm?”

“Can I kiss you?” he asked. His voice had come out pathetically small and Keith’s breathing hitched audibly.

But he didn’t say anything.

“...Keith?”

“No,” Keith finally said. A wave of dread washed over Lance, oh god, this was so much worse than expected. This was horrible, why had he even opened his mouth, couldn’t he ever just shut up and- “But you can if you tell me what’s been bothering you this whole time.”

Lance let out a whoosh of air and slumped forward. “Keith. Dude. You can’t just do that to me. I already started plotting out the best way to kidnap Blue and take her somewhere far, far away to never see you again.”

“You- what?”

“No, no, never mind that,” Lance said and shook his head, sneaking a glance at Keith out of the corners of his eyes. Keith was looking right back, expression worried, insecure and still a tiny bit embarrassed. A smile took over his face and he quickly turned away to look at the stars instead. Space was dark, he noticed - he could see Keith’s reflection on the glass. Still looking at him.

“Okay, since you’re never gonna stop bothering me otherwise I’ll tell you. It’s stupid though,” he warned.

“You said that already.”

“I know, but I gotta say it again. It’s really stupid and makes no sense which is why I didn’t talk to anyone about it.”

“Just tell me already,” Keith said, a hint of impatience seeping into his voice. Lance grinned halfheartedly.

“Don’t make fun of me now.”

“ _Lance-_ ”

“It’s that I don’t have a thing,” he interrupted, speaking over Keith as to not lose any courage he has managed to gather. “Like - everyone on the team is so amazing? You can’t even deny it. You know what I’m talking about. We are a mess without Shiro, no one is getting anything done. Pidge is a freaking genius and Hunk is the best guy the universe has ever created. And you, you are, like, so _talented_ it’s killing me sometimes - oh, an asteroid field? No problem for Keith! A gladiator gone wild? Nah, it’s nothing, I can hold it off while rescuing Lance at the same time. Finding that perfect moment between two black holes to enter a slipstream? Not even a challenge!”

Lance could see Keith beginning to frown in his reflection and lowered his gaze. That damn tightness in his throat was starting to come back again, he had to get it all out before it stopped him from speaking altogether.

“And then there’s Allura. Look at her, she’s not only the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen, she’s also a badass leader and could probably destroy us all with a flick of her finger. And Coran knows literally everything and I’ve yet to find any part of the castle that he can’t fix. And then-” Lance could feel his face scrunching up, “-then there is _me_.”

Silence filled the room between them. Lance didn’t add anything else and finally Keith raised his voice.

“Yeah? And then there is you?” he sounded so questioning, so confused that Lance laughed again. Was Keith trying to say that he hadn’t noticed what Lance was getting at? Or did he _agree_ with him?

“Yes, Keith. Then there’s me. The guy that can’t keep his mouth shut. The guy that no one ever takes seriously because hey, if you make jokes then that means that you are immature and aren’t of any help when it counts, right? And apart from the jokes that really don’t do _shit_ I don’t have a thing. You know how I keep making jokes about doing something amazing and kicking ass? At the beginning I thought that if I make them then people will pay attention and realize that I’m actually doing something. That I’m - that I’m a _member_ , not just the fifth wheel. Seventh wheel. But no one seems to notice, ever. And nowadays that’s all they really are: jokes. Like everything about me.”

Lance pressed his lips together and looked up. Steady breathing, he reminded himself. If he looked up and breathed steadily he wouldn’t start crying. Everything was fine.

“That’s - a lot,” Keith said from the side. Lance made the mistake of starting to laugh and lowering his head, resulting in him feeling tears forming at the corners of his eyes. He quickly squeezed them shut and looked up again, he wouldn’t start crying in front of Keith. He _wouldn’t_.

“I know, right? I told you it was stupid,” Lance forced out. He desperately wanted Keith to disagree with him, maybe hug him. Yeah, a hug would be good right about now.

“I don’t think it’s stupid,” Keith said quietly. Lance gave his hand an appreciative squeeze and felt Keith pressing up against his side in response. “I mean, maybe it is a little? Because you are wrong, you know.”

Lance laughed bitterly and fought against the instinct to curl up and hide. “Yeah, I know. Kind of. Which is why it is so stupid.” At that Keith let out a sigh.

“Sorry. That was probably the wrong thing to say.”

“Maybe. You are right though, so I can’t blame you,” Lance answered. He didn’t feel the threat of tears anymore so he opened his eyes again and looked at their reflection. Keith was sitting directly next to him, their upper arms pressed together and their hands resting atop of Keith’s tight. There was a huge frown on Keith’s face - he was obviously unhappy with the situation. It wasn’t too hard to guess why.

Lance gave a sly grin and poked his cheek, startling him into looking up. “That’s a gloomy look even for you, Mister Grump,” he stated. Keith flushed a little, his eyes ablaze, then he swiftly turned his head towards the ground again.

“It’s just - I don’t understand where these thoughts are coming from. You do so much for the team.”

“Oh yeah?” Lance asked, cocking an eyebrow. Keith nodded.

“Yeah.”

“Well, you know my opinion about that.”

“Yeah. And you are wrong, as always.”

Lance laughed openly and bumped against Keith. “Those words are not exactly helping my self-confidence.”

“You have more than enough of that anyway,” Keith grumbled. Then he tensed, an understanding look crossing over his face. Lance kept quiet, both out of having taken a hit where it hurt and wanting to give Keith time to process whatever it was that he had just realized. “You don’t,” Keith said, sounding totally dumbfounded.

Forcing a small smile onto his face, Lance let his head drop onto Keith’s shoulder. The other boy jumped a little at the sudden contact but made no move to shove Lance away.

“Yeah, not really.” He almost added an ‘not anymore’ to it but held it back at the last second. That would sound too much like an accusation and Lance wasn’t accusing Keith of anything. At least he had noticed. At least he had cared.

“I’m sorry,” Keith mumbled then, bringing his other hand up to cover the top of Lance’s. This was nice, Lance supposed, maybe not as good as a hug but still nice. This could almost count as a very awkward cuddling session.

“You got nothing to apologize for.”

“Yes, I do. What I just said probably didn’t help much.”

Lance couldn’t help but laugh again. “Keith, buddy, nothing you’ve said so far has helped much. Not that I blame you, I knew that you are bad with being nice to people.”

“...sorry,” Keith said again. His fingers began playing with Lance’s and he closed his eyes, forcing his body to relax. This was fine. He was fine. He was totally okay.

“Really, I am. I try but it’s sometimes really hard to figure out what you guys need as support. I don’t know how everyone else does it.”

“It’s not that hard. Everyone likes a hug when they are sad.”

“Do… do you want a hug then?” Keith asked uncertainly. Lance breathed out before opening his eyes again and lifting his head.

“I thought you would never ask.”

“Alright, um-” Keith began, awkwardly shifting around and turning Lance by his shoulders so that they sat face-to-face. For a moment Lance let him do whatever he wanted but then he couldn’t keep the chuckles in anymore.

“Dude, you’re making this more complicated than it has to be,” he said and leaned forward, draping his arms around Keith and dragging him closer. Keith seamlessly followed his movements, letting himself being pulled against Lance’s chest before tightly wrapping his arms around him. It was nice: Keith’s arms were strong and his hair smelled weirdly good. “Hey, what shampoo do you use?” Lance asked offhandedly.

Keith began to pull away but Lance firmly held him close until he got the message and stayed in his arms. “Dunno. The one that always is in my shower,” Keith replied.

“Smells nice.”

“Cool.”

“Cool,” Lance agreed. Keith snorted a bit. For a while longer they just stayed like that, then he patted Lance's back.

“You good now?”

Not really. But he wasn’t about to tell him that. “Yeah, I’m fine. Kneeling like this is starting to get uncomfortable anyways.”

“I know,” Keith answered, getting back into his earlier position. Lance followed suit, watching him grab the blanket and drape it over both of their shoulders. It was a very sweet move that made Lance smile openly, immediately forgiving him for cutting the hug short.

Both of them huddled together, Lance’s right leg slung over Keith’s left to make the space they were occupying as small as possible. They were still holding hands, and Lance had put his head back onto Keith’s shoulder, enjoying the proximity more than he would have thought.

Wow. He was sitting on the observation deck, cuddling with _Keith_. Life took some insane turns sometimes.

“I think you should talk with Shiro about this,” Keith said suddenly. Lance startled a little and pursed his lips.

“About what exactly?”

“About feeling that you’re getting ignored. He probably-”

“Keith,” Lance interrupted him. “In case this wasn’t completely clear yet: I have no intention to talk about this to anyone else. You agreed with me that it was stupid, no need to bother the team with it.”

“No, but that’s - it’s _bothering_ you. You are _hurting_.”

Lance smiled and bounced their hands on his leg. “A little less now.”

“See? Maybe it would help if you talked to other people-”

“Keith.”

“...yeah?”

“No,” Lance said in a soft but firm voice. “This is my problem and I am going to work through it. Maybe I simply am not good enough yet. I’ll spar with you tomorrow, how about that?”

“You are good enough though,” Keith replied and tightened his grip on Lance’s hand to the point where it almost got painful. “You do so much for the team. You dissolve tension with stupid jokes. You come up with good plans on the fly. You are an amazing shot and you tie the team together on a more human basis than a leader can do.”

Lance swore his heart stopped beating there for a second. He hadn’t expected to hear those words out of anyone’s mouth, ever, much less from Keith. But here he was, telling him just what he had needed to hear.

“Keith,” Lance whispered, his voice almost breaking halfway through. Keith loosened his hand a little and leaned more against him.

“Hm?”

“Can I kiss you now?”

Keith was freezing up again but Lance knew that that wasn’t a rejection. That was only surprise. If Keith really didn’t want to kiss him, he would flat out tell him. At least that was something that he could always count on: that Keith would tell him if he made him uncomfortable.

“Yeah,” Keith said then, barely audible. Lance smiled a little and was surprised to note that his heart didn’t go crazy this time - maybe it was simply too late for his body to work properly. The blanket was very warm and Keith was pretty comfortable, after all. Lifting his head and turning it to the side, Lance met Keith’s eyes. They were huge and dark, some of the stars from the window reflecting in them.

Lance leaned forward until his lips met Keith’s. Neither of them closed their eyes at first, then, following an unspoken signal, they both let them fall shut at the same time. Relaxing against each other, Lance smiled into the kiss. Keith’s lips were warm, chapped, a little dry - he loved them. He could imagine kissing them for the rest of his life and he would probably never get tired of it.

Altogether the kiss didn’t last very long, but when they pulled away they stayed close, their foreheads touching. 

“Hey, Keith.”

“Hm?”

“Are we boyfriends now?”

“I thought you would never ask.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Um. Yeah. This was very long. It was really just supposed to be the backstory of another thing I want to write - something much more light-hearted actually - but then it got horribly out of control. So... sorry (again). Also I'm not sure when I'll be able to write the second part but it will come eventually, promise :D
> 
> In the meantime come visit me on [tumblr](http://keiths-stupid-mullet.tumblr.com/), I love making new friends!^^  
> /edit: I also have a [twitter](https://twitter.com/ka_sape) now, if you prefer that


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